random bytes of data from the archives

author — michael ammerman
timeline — 1986 2015 (update coming asap)

the following content includes several freeform poems, writings and thoughts from my journal.

—

05.09.2015_12:11pm
 michael ammerman
 love

love is feeling
 falling
 believing
 achieving
 a touch
 a smile
 a kiss
 love is love
 for without it
 life isn’t life

—

04.14.2008_10:38pm
 michael ammerman
 desires

to be
 is in the moment
 the moment
 we stop
 to feel
 the good
 with the bad
 to look in
 to look out
 sometimes open wounds
 others
 old friends
 then
 we stop
 realizing
 life
 is in front of us
 not behind
 the scars
 are now
 stars
 the perspective
 we once knew
 is shed
 each day
 these
 these are the desires
 we each share
 for without them
 we are simply mortal

—

10.04.2007_8:18pm
 michael ammerman
 infinite

change
 forever
 infinite
 remember
 forever
 never forget
 infinite
 cycles
 spinning
 up
 down
 never forget
 infinite
 everything
 yet
 not found

—

05.04.2007_2:48pm
 michael ammerman
 time

time
 you don’t have to always be right
 let it go
 this isn’t the end
 we fight
 never stop
 i don’t need this
 life is a whole lot more
 we need to stop
 feel the moment
 then let it go
 time
 time will tell
 time is saying
 stop

—

05.04.2007_2:42pm
 michael ammerman
 i wish (nirvana)

i wish i was like you
 easily amused

—

05.04.2007_1:02pm
 michael ammerman
 it’s crazy

it is
 it’s crazy
 it’s crazy what you could have had
 it’s crazy
 could have had

—

04.14.2007_2:05pm
 michael ammerman
 i still haven’t found what i’m looking for (inspired by U2)

up and down
 the taste of stale bread
 even when it’s sugar
 i can’t seem to find the top
 from the bottom
 yet i have ‘made it’
 multiple times
 multiple chapters
 yet
 they all read the same
 yet are worlds apart
 i’ve kicked down doors
 yet have opened more
 i’ve awakened to the universe
 and yes, i am forever thankful
 for the life i have been given
 but satisfaction hasn’t knocked at my door
 i am capable of more
 i can be better
 i want to inspire
 i want to achieve
 yet
 i must find a balance
 that’s true
 i am not perfect
 nor will i ever be
 but as the shadows show me
 i see with one eye
 and feel with the other
 not blind
 but one that binds
 one that finds
 those without eyes
 and
 i will always dream
 until my last breath

—

04.14.2007_2:05pm
 michael ammerman
 after all

after all
 it moves and doesn’t stop
 like the hands
 of a clock that has no patience
 but
 after all
 this is life
 we choose to love or hate
 after all
 it is our choice
 things are filled with fear
 but i deny that pathway
 after all
 what does that provide
 nothing
 i choose life
 light
 colour
 encounters
 after all
 what else is there

—

03.11.2007_2:05pm
 michael ammerman
 between

as one moves
 from place to place
 things shift
 things collide
 in this transition
 between
 is where we learn
 to live
 to love
 to invite beings
 new beings
 new things
 into our lives
 into our world
 between
 is where we grow
 we grow strong
 we show the real individual
 the one we know is always there
 but hides
 not between
 but within
 until we make the leap
 the jump
 fear
 exhilaration
 it’s all there
 but if we sit idle
 staring
 thinking
 what if?
 there is no between
 only concept
 sidelines
 and missed opportunities
 between
 is when we step it up
 push forward
 we become one
 between

—

11.28.2006_3:07am
 michael ammerman
 the page has turned

life bridges us
 across tactile moments
 simple change
 death
 divorce
 happiness
 bliss
 nothing more
 nothing less
 it cut’s deep
 yet heals each time
 and we have one choice
 to live life
 a full swing
 full contact
 that’s what makes life livable
 infinite
 opening up the heavens
 to see
 to see the sun
 wide open eyes
 no blinking
 it’s like love
 one has to fall
 it’s all up to you and i
 fall
 it is blue
 it is passion
 but it is heaven and hell
 order and chaos
 choose the right path
 always forward
 never back

—

08.02.2006_3:03am
 michael ammerman
 feelings

through it all
 i feel hope
 belief
 glass half full
 tastes of smoke
 can’t see
 but i still
 i still believe
 because
 i must
 there simply
 is no choice
 we must connect
 no choice
 no choice
 no choice
 it’s simple
 forgive
 there is always tomorrow
 and that is not a privilege
 nor a choice
 if you are dead

—

07.30.2006_4:15am
 michael ammerman
 justice

the enigma
 the fuel
 it makes us kill
 strap bombs to our kids
 justice
 in the end
 we all loose
 we’ve lost
 who’s the winner
 christ
 budda
 allah
 the old test
 or the new
 seems quite easy
 stop the killing
 accept eachother
 i realize
 i’m ignorant
 i don’t understand
 that sort of faith
 i’m selfish
 i believe in myself
 i believe in good
 i believe in hope
 if i was black
 and poor
 i would gather my brethren
 and speak of hope and love
 there are only two ways
 you can follow love
 or fear
 if i was jewish i would say the same
 if i was palestinian,
 again the same
 there is a cord we all want
 love and acceptance
 to be respected
 to have our individual faith
 we are far from the end
 i might not see the light
 at the end of the tunnel
 but i have a flashlight
 …forgiveness

—

06.07.2006_12:35pm
 michael ammerman
 one day after

06.06.06… a series
 numbers that mean such
 some letters mean more
 christ
 ala
 budda…
 most end in strife
 some eternal war
 others create hope
 lasting hope
 how does it differ
 dna
 social
 eco
 geo
 power
 is man meant to follow
 or lead
 justification becomes tough
 intelligent design
 darwin
 wtf
 follow or lead
 stop killing
 and controlling
 if not
 maybe
 just maybe
 numbers mean something
 i think
 people do
 spirits do
 the universe does
 unite we must

—

06.07.2006_12:47pm
 michael ammerman
 waiting

i’m waiting
 pushing
 pulling
 conflicted
 directed
 i’m waiting
 what for
 what colour
 what tone
 what scent
 i’m waiting
 to stand still
 to shock
 to rest
 to feel
 i’m waiting
 for the sunrise
 for the sunset
 for the next second
 for tomorrow
 i’m waiting
 for you
 for strength
 for tenderness
 for stillness
 i’m waiting
 for an angel

—

06.07.2006_01:12pm
 michael ammerman
 reflection

each day
 memory echos
 sounds gather
 adjustments made
 push for honesty
 compassion
 crossing divides
 who built the divide
 is it needed to connect
 where has the spirit gone
 the connection
 shared by natives
 water
 earth
 fire
 that honesty
 integrity
 purpose
 we’re set afloat
 on a boat
 with no guidance
 yet we create to destroy
 to control
 the connection
 the reflection
 we have to reach back
 touch the wind
 understand what lies
 within the divide
 as opposed
 to crossing it
 take time
 reflect

—

06.07.2006_01:24pm
 michael ammerman
 i see

i see
 the rain
 the truth
 what has happened
 what will happen
 i see
 to often
 to loud
 to proud
 to open
 i see
 thankfulness
 gratitude
 poverty
 passion
 i see
 leaves
 streets
 signs
 auras
 i see
 what i shouldn’t do
 what i do
 what i need to do
 what i don’t do
 i see
 goodness
 bitterness
 incompetence
 beauty
 i see
 and sometimes
 don’t want to
 i feel…

—

06.07.2006_2:46pm
 michael ammerman
 do don’t

discriminate
 aggravate
 associate
 meditate
 exacerbate
 isolate
 integrate
 masturbate
 dictate
 irritate
 assimilate
 segregate
 debate
 hibernate
 mediate
 hyperventilate
 irate
 motivate
 reverberate
 gesticulate
 gyrate
 instigate
 propagate
 hate to hate

—

06.07.2006_3:11pm
 michael ammerman
 looking for something

looking and looking
 no place or nothing
 leading to infinity
 tasting like wine
 up and down again
 finding nothing to find
 love is a clue
 answers all around
 love is the fruit
 yet hard to find
 endless possibilities
 a ball of twine
 ready to unwind
 under rocks
 around switch-backs
 heart and mind
 keep pushing for something
 yet no clue why
 grass is greener
 on the other side
 expecting the moment
 yet hard to find
 looking for something
 with nothing
 with nothing but time

—

06.14.2006_11:56pm
 michael ammerman
 need

i need somebody
 somebody in colour
 somebody in flesh
 somebody in tone
 the sharpness
 the texture
 the fight
 healthy
 but right
 the note
 the tone
 the fire
 when it knocks you down
 hurts your soul
 yet you follow
 no choice
 no doubt
 i need somebody
 somebody who feels
 deep as a wound
 deep as a well
 it’s so fucking simple
 yet harder than death
 harder than bleeding
 we want it
 but don’t want to give
 give up
 what
 ourselves
 our lives
 our integrity
 fuck that
 fuck it all
 we need
 we need
 we need…
 love

—

06.14.2006_12:09pm
 michael ammerman
 the chase

i thought
 time and time again
 make the call
 make the leap
 i tossed
 i turned
 the one thing
 that meant
 the life to me
 i didn’t chase
 i didn’t fight
 what irony
 the hard-on
 the super-human
 yet
 i let you go
 the one i loved
 my soul-mate
 it hurts
 but it was right
 maybe not
 for me
 but
 certainly
 for you

—

06.10.2004_11:45pm
 michael ammerman
 not afraid

soft tip
 easy lip
 quick take
 then the quake
 sure as red
 hot as fire
 stop
 then go
 death
 then life
 easy come
 hard to go
 who’s to say
 life is grand
 it shifts
 in bounds
 then the gift
 of birth
 or thought
 or peace
 the smell
 of spring
 the touch
 of a new friend
 or a distant
 past
 communication
 like a sign
 not wasted
 not afraid
 not now
 not later
 it shifts
 it sands
 great
 but
 still
 not afraid
 just curious

—

06.05.2004_02:02am
 michael ammerman
 lift

which ways up
 where to go
 lead me dad
 one hint
 behind your back
 no looking
 stop sign
 turn left
 always up
 never down
 but life
 is winding
 and shifts
 abrupt
 keep clear
 clear as rain
 feel the way
 dark but not
 sleep
 awake
 whats the point
 without shift
 believe
 cause today
 we steal the sign
 and make our way
 up again
 never down
 taste the current
 touch the god
 make a left
 at a right
 lift
 until you can’t
 fall
 only for love

—

05.13.2004_01:56am
 michael ammerman
 picture

the views
 the highs
 the lows
 life
 ingrained
 in memory
 in emulsion
 in pixels
 fragile
 yet burnt
 in our memories
 on our hard drives
 on our calendars
 sweet days
 swift nights
 wake up
 and feel
 the new day
 brisk
 bright
 open
 sort of like
 nothing happened
 an open book
 with pages creased
 which way to go
 straight up
 or down
 have you told
 the truth
 will you pass go
 the noise is loud
 and clear
 it speaks of
 the truth
 as it always has
 open
 enlightening
 reflecting
 clear
 where does it lead
 how does it end
 like paint
 fluid
 but it has to dry
 hopefully
 waiting
 for the picture
 to arise
 open
 and clear
 it always ends
 in a picture
 framed
 for all to see
 beauty
 and the beast
 going to love it
 and push
 for the sky

—

05.06.2004_11:02am
 michael ammerman
 we

we open
 we cry
 we float
 we die
 we harness
 we lift
 we kill
 we lie
 we shift
 we miss
 we kiss
 we fall
 we shut
 we caress
 we abuse
 we all
 we hit
 we walk
 we push
 we yell
 we hold
 we do
 we listen
 we smell
 we see
 we don’t
 we strike
 we won’t
 we burn
 we stare
 we hate
 we spare

—

04.10.2004_11:38pm
 michael ammerman
 another

it starts
 over and over
 infinite times
 questions
 thoughts
 many beliefs
 few gifts
 of life
 of openness
 the world
 subsides
 and falls
 yet birth brings hope
 and death brings
 questions
 thoughts
 many beliefs
 few gifts
 yet we move
 and move
 another place
 another thought
 another memory
 another life

—

04.10.2004_11:31pm
 michael ammerman
 it’s all right

no cry
 no loss
 right the wrong
 in a poem
 cast it away
 let it live
 take a breath
 let me be
 open wide
 to the shifts
 up and down
 take a breath
 it’s clear
 it’s red
 i followed you
 here
 take a breath
 spirits high
 stand firm
 open
 clear the air
 take a breath
 it’s all right
 fall
 clear
 blue

—

04.10.2004_11:21pm
 michael ammerman
 isn’t it strange

life keeps moving
 without soul
 without mind
 it’s peaks
 it’s valleys
 it’s colours
 lift
 but for a moment
 it’s sounds
 it’s feelings
 it’s memories
 the reality
 the dreams
 the hope
 lost
 yet open
 to catch
 and to fall
 the morning air
 brings another
 to touch
 to smell
 to lift
 isn’t it strange

—

12.11.2003_11:24pm
 michael ammerman
 life

life is but a dream
 to feel
 to touch
 to challenge ourselves
 to be honest
 and good
 and follow
 our path
 deviate when need be
 follow when needed
 lead when called upon
 this is life
 this is living

—

12.09.2003_2:24pm
 michael ammerman
 untitled

today… is new
 yesterday… is over

—

12.09.2003_1:37am
 michael ammerman
 life

life
 fucking hurts
 at times
 hopeless
 then a tune
 a touch
 a morning
 a breath
 a smile

—

12.09.2003_1:09am
 michael ammerman
 untitled

try.
 fall.
 speak.
 open.
 close.
 yell.
 grip.
 touch.
 feel.
 all.
 death.
 me.
 you.
 touch.
 sting.
 we.
 are…
 all.
 _alive.

—

12.09.2003_12:32am
 michael ammerman
 i can

life
 always shifting
 as if it has something to prove
 to wrestle you to the ground
 as if to say
 i am all knowing
 i am your god
 i am your savior
 when all you want
 is another breath
 another gasp
 one more candle
 and to say
 i can

—

10.10.2003_12:24am
 michael ammerman
 my mind is racing

infinite pass
 someone speaks out loud
 the color red
 why does this seem
 seem to be unfair
 the pain
 the threshold
 almost unbearable
 shifting to and fro
 I miss the subtle
 laps of waves
 morning kiss
 where did it go
 why so soon
 why so painful
 for a moment
 it appeared to slow
 just a moment
 the color red
 opens my mind
 opens my heart
 passing us by
 like the smell of a rose
 or the touch of a stranger
 too preoccupied
 for life
 my mind is racing
 like it always will

—

10.01.2003_12:41am
 don’t leave me behind

I hope for openness
 the bread crumbs for the needy
 doesn’t seem to exist
 I read about the killings
 feel the smoke
 taste the burn
 is there a reason for all of this
 why I am still consumed
 with my life
 my feelings
 It’s always a story
 without an end
 life, death, tragedy
 for what?
 I fell hope
 I always do
 but at times it is so tough
 to cut through
 all of the pain
 I see
 I feel
 tough
 I don’t want to miss the train
 I don’t want
 eternity
 and life’s true color
 don’t leave me behind

—

09.12.2003_02:07am (09.11.2003)
 michael ammerman
 without

what are we left with?
 not in nyc
 but as a race
 when we turn to war
 to hatred
 to fear
 and to death
 is this what it means?
 to be a democracy
 or a muslim
 or a german
 or african
 or american…
 or human
 when will it stop?
 never
 not until
 we are all too tired
 to care
 can we stop?
 I think not
 too late
 too much blood
 too much anger
 too much fear
 it’s best this way
 much easier
 much easier than peace

all of the poems from the month of june this 2003 are related to the passing of my father on june 13, 2003. they are of course very personal but I never shy away from sharing my life experiences as an artist and a human. enjoy.

—

06.21.2003_12:13am
 michael ammerman
 i’m here

i feel
 i’m weak
 and delicate
 i’m strong
 and dad
 i’m here
 i’m ok
 it will be tough
 like a tree
 at times
 i will sway
 but i won’t break
 i’m here
 don’t worry
 you taught me well
 with dignity
 and honor
 i will carry on
 and dad
 i’m here
 if you need to talk
 it won”t be missed
 i will be here
 at times i will fall
 but never to far
 for i am your son
 like a tree
 at times
 i will sway
 but i won’t break
 i’m here

—

06.21.2003_12:13am
 michael ammerman
 always

i lay here
 in a dream
 not real
 my father is gone
 what a man
 playing catch
 always there
 bricks and mortar
 infinite wisdom
 if and only if
 can it be again
 can he still comfort me
 from afar
 like he has
 so many times
 before
 can i still
 make him proud
 how did he know
 did he know
 what happened
 why is he gone
 was it really his time
 why so much pain
 not for me
 for him
 doesn’t seem fair
 for such a great man
 he was
 and still is
 he will always be
 the teacher
 the coach
 and my father
 for i will miss him always

—

06.21.2003_12:05am
 michael ammerman
 please explain

don’t see it
 how can it happen
 one day
 full of breath
 the next empty
 one day
 full of life
 the next
 last breath
 please explain
 why do the birds
 still sing
 yet i
 i can’t raise my head
 a man with such magnetism
 falls to the sword
 like a child
 with no father
 doesn’t make since
 please explain
 why is it
 why is flesh
 so mortal
 so delicate
 so worthless
 is this religion
 is this faith
 i’m not sure
 i feel
 i feel pain
 please explain

—

06.21.2003_10:42pm
 michael ammerman
 good bye

dad
 are you ok
 are you in a better place
 feels so heavy
 thought i had strength
 not like this
 too heavy
 can’t sleep
 just want one last conversation
 one last pep talk
 one last chance
 but i realize
 it can’t be
 an unworldly feeling
 many questions
 much anger
 much love
 can’t lie
 just seems
 like a nightmare
 never had many
 until now
 can’t say good bye
 need a sign
 a sign of life
 saw the sunset
 saw the tears
 saw the family
 felt strange
 but good
 just don’t want
 don’t want
 to say good bye

—

06.21.2003_10:21pm
 michael ammerman
 as if

wake up
 to mornings light
 move about
 wait for the moment
 and pick apart the rest
 typical life
 then it shifts
 so quickly
 head spins
 heart aches
 what was life
 before
 seems distant
 is distant
 can’t go back
 don’t usually want to
 this time is different
 very
 what is faith
 does it make it all go away
 doubt it
 but i would try
 hurts like hell
 want it back
 the feeling
 the conversation
 the warmth
 if i could
 as if
 as if nothing happened

—

06.20.2003_9:20pm
 michael ammerman
 for him

one day
 life was fine
 seemed to be going
 in the right direction
 then the call
 then the loneliness
 the sadness
 why
 stupid question
 it’s life
 it sucks
 doesn’t seem fair
 not for me
 for him
 such dignity
 such honor
 he taught me well
 the best anyone could
 could i have done anything
 he would say no
 he would say
 i am so happy
 that you are well
 that you are doing it
 i say
 i would rather have you
 i would rather have you

—

written at 1:15 p.m. Friday 06.13.2003
 mom called with the news of my fathers passing at 12:45 p.m. Friday 06.13.2003

read 06.17.2003 (service in orlando, florida)
 greatness — (to my father)

he was a man of greatness
 a man of strength
 he challenged those around him
 to be honest
 to have respect
 simply, to feel
 he was a man
 like a vintage wine
 got better and better with age
 he had sensitivity
 beyond our grasp
 he was first-most
 a father
 and damn
 he did a impeccable job
 at the peak of my career
 he told me that
 life is more
 your health is more
 cherish life
 and live a quality life
 a rich life
 a sensitive life
 a strong life
 and for that
 i respect this great man
 for he was my father
 the best a son could have
 i will forever miss him
 i will forever respect him
 i will forever honor him
 thank you dad
 for making me who i am today

i love you

—

lost memories
 (lost journals from 01.2003–05.2003)

acquired space
 new ideas
 lost transactions
 open
 new possibilities
 infinite loop
 starts the soul
 sunrise
 sunset
 no difference
 like the beginning
 like an island
 open
 explore
 lost memories
 infinite possibilities

—

journal 11.28.2002_11:40pm
 michael ammerman
 thanksgiving.02

starts with pain
 head aches
 why
 introspection
 what’s new
 outward thoughts
 what gives
 always open
 slightly impatient
 always moving
 even when standing still
 what is thanks
 thanksgiving
 lots of thoughts
 different perspectives
 warmth
 uncertainty
 but that has passed
 the future is now
 lava
 surf
 will miss the fall
 gain the sunsets
 the horizon
 miss the friends
 miss the mom
 always have been open
 since my first day
 as a stranger
 doesn’t get any better
 true love
 true spirit
 warmth
 like turkey
 and conversation
 will miss it

—

journal 11.09.2002_1:42am
 michael ammerman
 hawaii.01

is it the next step
 high or low
 things make sense
 for once
 no weight
 no wait
 never was really
 ok
 there was
 ny is fine
 doesn’t need the lift
 has peter
 has lou
 the street calls
 just not as loud
 just tired
 fucking tired
 tired of listening
 listening to running
 the heart
 the demon
 breakfast time
 time to feed
 where did the kid go
 the one in the tube
 vortex
 matrix
 hollow
 blow out
 wake up
 time to get off the plane
 you’re in hawaii

—

journal 11.09.2002_1:20am
 michael ammerman
 fortunate bliss.01

everyone you wanted to know
 has gone away
 at the same jest
 there are the ones to touch
 no one doubts them
 you can’t blame the tides
 the sun sets each and
 every day
 fall is sheer brilliance
 nothing that can’t be touched
 just like
 the ones
 the ones who graced my presence
 tastes like the wind
 sharp colour
 sharp against the heart
 such a glancing blow
 makes you want
 want to do it all over again
 sharp

—

journal 10.19.2002_10:12pm
 michael ammerman
 300 meg or time passed.01

where did it go
 was it three megs
 not too much to do
 the night always rolls quickly
 waiting for monday
 some day the tides will roll
 no weight
 no wait
 just flight
 the trees below
 the sound
 a murmur
 the tone light
 the colour bright
 who was that
 the corner echos
 not sure what the flavor was
 tasted sharp
 bright
 the blades were open
 against the neck
 movement quick
 as usual
 soft
 but quick
 none the less
 it closed
 as it opened
 with sheer confidence
 and emotion

—

journal 10.18.2002_1:20am
 michael ammerman
 a day in the life of the hack.01

just a joke
 went to work
 came home
 sat around w/ mick
 drank beer
 talked about macs and other shit
 drank more
 mick left
 hung out
 hacked
 found mac journal
 wrote
 hacked
 eat
 listened to music
 bed

—

journal 04.14.2002_2:10am
 michael ammerman
 twilight.01

twilight
 where did it come from
 i didn?ft realize
 it was all over
 my heart yearns
 this was once
 all i knew
 and all i felt
 i?fm open to what is now
 the dawn has just opened
 and twilight is near
 i will never forget
 what i felt
 each moment
 i feel the red
 the moment shakes
 heart drops
 sweat
 fingers grow weak
 where did the energy go
 the twilight was
 within my grasp
 i don?ft want to leave
 it?fs one of the gestures
 where it doesn?ft target the soul
 it was all over
 my heart yearns

—

journal 04.14.2002_1:54am
 michael ammerman
 i am the captain of this ship.01

i am the captain of this ship
 in the ebb and flow
 the sun shifts
 the bodies ache
 this is life
 the moment happens
 quiet load
 hell
 open wide spectrum gaze
 it’s easy
 if one just
 sits
 and
 listens
 tender glass
 wine
 colour shifts
 in the ebb and flow
 i am the captain of this ship

—

journal 04.14.2002_2:04am
 michael ammerman
 open.01

sky grey
 it’s just another spring day
 off
 but not the same
 it?fs much more open
 this day
 seems much more hopeful
 open
 always open
 the blue
 one can always see inspiration
 through the black
 sprinting to the one that was left behind
 who was identified
 who named the street
 what did it mean
 my name was given
 but it has meaning
 i feel it does
 the grass is open
 and at times
 that is all that matters
 life’s vibrations
 feed the soul
 in each and every move
 the sky is still
 grey
 but the blue is open

—

journal.03.30.2002d.10:00pm

open
 green
 blue
 soft
 inspiring
 gritty
 scent
 touch
 smell
 movement
 watch out
 don’t move so quickly
 run
 open
 colour
 what street
 LES
 light
 smoke
 10
 smile
 don’t smile
 feel
 life

—

journal.03.30.2002c.9:56pm

the boy had his eyes
 affixed to the screen
 not to let anything go by
 he would catch it
 bottle it up
 and take it with him
 the temperature was hot
 damn hot
 why could he not
 hold it in his palm
 to lay it down
 would be
 to leave it vulnerable
 if he could just hold it tight
 maybe it all would change
 tight
 affixed
 palm
 smash
 dropped
 gone
 why

—

journal.03.30.2002b.9:51pm

rhythm
 motion
 sound
 what was it for
 why did it pass by
 I know I was looking
 but It passed so quickly
 this time will be different
 the sound won?ft escape me
 vibration
 energy
 kinetic
 humming
 the day is crisp
 blue
 and clear
 not a monday

—

journal.03.30.2002_9:45pm

at moments
 life presents itself
 infinitely expanding
 spacial
 aural
 it’s sharp
 the corners extreme
 to navigate
 one has to have
 wits
 open mind
 what if one slips
 or falls
 how to respond
 force
 open
 blue
 empty
 yet extremely tight
 static emotions prevail
 it simply takes
 a single step
 just one

—

journal 09.26.2001_2:34a.m. (NYC 9.11.2001)
 michael ammerman
 today.01

today
 we wake up
 and feel
 as though
 we have felt this way
 before
 the grass seems a little more vibrant
 a little clearer
 a little fresher
 but yet the sky
 is not so bright
 not as it is
 the days when it seems
 to bounce
 across every little element
 today
 it’s different
 something feels
 just a little out of place
 the world seems off
 just a little off
 i can’t place the feeling
 i have never felt this
 before

—

journal 09.26.2001_2:26a.m. (NYC 9.11.2001)
 michael ammerman
 flower.01

what was it really?
 a flower or just a stem.
 did it sting,
 or just frighten?
 was it because of the rain?
 or just the aftermath.
 the light was at once
 so warm,
 but i really didn’t see anyone.
 darkness prevailed.
 it almost felt like christmas
 but
 no christ
 just a simple paper
 reading tuesday.
 what did it all mean?
 where did the flower go?

—

journal 12.18.2000
 michael ammerman
 renaissance.01

the transitional period between the middle ages
 and modern times c 1350-c 1650 : a period of vast
 change and significant achievment. it was a period of
 extraordinary accomplishment in the arts and sciences
 typified by the universal genious leonardo da vinci.
 this universal and multidimensional idea has somewhat
 been put to the wayside. artisans and individuals alike
 are respected for specialization and paid for monotany.
 where have the renaissance artisans gone? are they still
 here?
 a belief of this type of diversity has been a way of life
 and extremely strong belief since i can remember. this
 multi-dimensionality i speak of creates dynamic
 outcomes. it provokes and stimulates the mind and spirit
 to not be satisfiied with the overproduction of ones
 dicipline but to embrace these oposites and reward
 oneself with this renaissance idea. the idea to explore
 all dimensions, diciplinesand mediums.
 in my brief lifetime as an artist (nearly 11 years of my 30
 year span) i have used many mediums to stimulate
 others. as a steel sculptor i used architecture and interior
 space as a playground for dynamic movements which
 brought life to my sculptural forms. recently painting has
 brought forth a dimension i never dreamed existed within
 sculpture. the ironies never cease. now new media and
 the virtual world have expanded my reality ten fold. the
 point being, the dimensions exist and the explorations
 are out there, one just has to open his or her eyes
 enough to experience them.

to specialize is to stop thinking.

—

journal 06.1999
 michael ammerman
 peak.06

man is his own invention: every artists
 problem is to invent himself.
 robert motherwell. preface to ‘the rise of
 cubism’ (1966).

every individual has hope to create something
 in life which he or she can be proud of.
 few might have the desire to take this and
 expose it for the world to see.
 some might even take this challenge to
 enlighten those whoes minds are open.

for some the foothills are too close, to see
 the peaks beyond.
 for those, i wish them well.
 for it is a beautiful world from atop these
 peaks,
 you must simply have the courage to take
 the first step.

—

journal 03.1999 (insight into painting)
 michael ammerman
 energy.03

en.er.gy (en’er-ji),n.;pl.
 in physics, an atribute by virtue of which one
 portion of matter can produce change in
 another.
 ‘all that we observe in the universe’.

this world encircles us with energy each day
 we awake…
 we choose to feel or to not.
 this project before you is that of ‘life energies’;
 life, death, bliss, tragedy, motion, stillness,
 man, nature, obstical, portal, open, closed,
 static, kinetic.
 each canvas is a stage. on this stage a single
 performance is taking place. in each is the
 existence of a presence. this is where we find
 the essence of basic emotion.
 with this in mind, titles are surperfluous. the
 experience of each performance is completely
 in the eye of the viewer or participant.
 one must not look with only optics and mind.
 each act must be felt as if an old friend or
 total stranger…
 this is basic human emotion.

—

journal 04.1998
 michael ammerman
 beauty.04

you’ve tried to find her,
 and you’ve looked in vain
 up the picture and down again,
 you’ve tried to fashion her of broken bits,
 and you’ve worked yourself into seventeen fits;
 the reason you’ve failed to tell you i can,
 it isn’t a lady but a man.

… from the writings of marcel duchamp one
 can feel the idea that our lives are not always
 what we think we see. you create your own
 reality.
 self-perception is that only of what you yourself
 have come to believe. the beauty of this, is just
 that, beauty. one can create their own idea of
 reality. art in it’s own existence is ones own
 reality.
 the only difference, if any, is that one can
 transpose their reality on others.
 expression is a true form of plastering your
 gestures and thoughts for all to see.
 some might choose to rationalize these
 expressions, to better understand their reality…
 others might be comfortable to ponder…
 this is the beauty.

—

THE LOST WRITINGS

05.18.2002
 michael ammerman
 untitled

today is positive
 today is growth
 up
 blue
 not once
 the street is long
 with delicate touch
 severe
 open
 rythmic tempo
 one one one two
 soft
 voice
 strength
 the smell of spring
 or summer
 what’s the difference
 it’s all about growth
 positive voice
 perspective

—

06.06.2000
 michael ammerman
 untitled

ideas expand
 the aroma of chance
 taste it
 smell it
 there is nothing
 that sting
 ocean breeze
 50 miles an hour
 through a straw

—

06.08.02
 michael ammerman
 untitled

the day moved
 once open
 orange tip
 open
 grass
 green
 the wind
 moved my soul
 the sign read
 one way
 why was life so short
 upward movement
 blue
 white caps
 sharp pain
 sorrow
 one movement
 one gesture
 one touch
 one cut
 one wound
 yet open
 grace
 yellow
 bliss
 life within
 an infinite kiss

—

06.08.02
 michael ammerman
 untitled

I’m here
 I will always move
 one blossom
 one motion
 wrong turn
 open portal
 which way
 feel
 texture
 sharp
 where did the light go
 what did it mean
 cut
 bright day
 sun shines
 pebbles under feet
 tender step
 open mouth
 first touch
 scared
 open
 first step
 the only way is up
 life
 yet
 so infinite
 yet
 so vapid
 why so difficult
 and so powerful
 to dominate
 open wind
 movement
 to move right
 is to open up
 to be green
 is it order
 or chaos
 to move to the top
 wounds the soul
 if for a moment
 can one touch
 the heavens
 without leaving the ground
 does one really need
 to read the scripture
 when it all feels the same
 the soul
 the touch
 stillness

—

~1986
 michael ammerman
 the world

the world will unite,
 not as one but as two
 separate people,
 maybe me,
 maybe you,
 bombs will fly
 people will die…
 then the sun breaks out
 above the clouds.
 the dusk of a new day
 but wait…
 there is nobody in sight
 but corpses of lashed and
 frayed
 bodies thrown about.

was it worth it?